Raines got sick first – fever, cough, chills, etc. Then I did. Then….it seemed like Pax was getting sick. And I hate when babies get sick. So I called our (new) doctor. We haven’t been in yet (and YES, I’m horribly behind on vaccinations, I knowIknowIknow, taking care of it FRIDAY)….but I wanted to see if there was anything I could give Pax. I have a whole arsenal of homeopathic remedies for R….but many involve honey, and P is still under a year. So I called:
Nurse: What is the problem?
Me: Well, I’m really worried about the baby. My oldest son and I have come down with what looks like the flu – including fever, coughs, etc. and I’m wor–
Me: My name?
Nurse: (sighs) No, the patient’s name.
Me: Um…well my oldest, Raines, is sick, but I’m really calling for my youngest-
Nurse: Last name?
Me: Draugelis. D-R-A-U-
Nurse: What’s wrong with Raines?
Me: I think he has the flu, but he’ll be fine. I really want to talk about-
Nurse: We don’t get the flu in October.
Me: Excuse me?
Nurse: It’s probably a cold. When kids get a cold, they can get fevers and coughs with a cold. (snotty voice) Ever think of that?
PAUSE: First of all, who talks like that? Seriously! WHO?
[I’m now counting to 10 and taking deeeep cleansing breaths….]
Me: You. [4…5….6…]Don’t. [7…8…] Get. [9….] the Flu  in October?
Nurse: We don’t get the flu until winter. (sarcastically) That would be February.
Me: [Biting back a sarcastic retort of how considerate the Philadelphia flu must be to wait until after the holiday season…] Isn’t a fever a sure sign of the flu?
Nurse: You can have a cold with fever, chills, cough, runny nose, and it’ll last up to seven days.
Me: Wow! Just like the flu.
Nurse: It’s a cold.
Me. Hunh. In any case-
Nurse: It says here you just moved. From where?
Nurse: See, that’s the problem. In warmer climates like these, there’s many more viruses. You have a cold.
Me: Actually, Denver is a much warmer clim-
Nurse: It’s snowing in Denver.
Nurse: Give him lots of fluids and rest. Call us back if he gets worse. And in most families, the first person to get the virus will have it the worst. The virus will weaken over time so if your baby was the last to get it, he’ll get a much milder strain. You still nursing?
Nurse: Good. (nicer voice) Keep it up.
Me: [thank god I got one right] Thank you for your time.
OK. OK. OK. So, so SO many things wrong here.
1. I thanked her. Why did I thank her? She did NOT deserve to be thanked! She was mean, sarcastic, and marginally helpful. Can you imagine if I wasn’t nursing? I wonder what her response would’ve been? And still – I THANKED HER. Clearly, it was the sleep deprivation. Who am I kidding? I thank everybody, even crappy people. I can’t help myself – it was my upbringing. Mother, I blame you for this one.
2. Since when does a FEVER mean a cold? Isn’t that like, the defining POINT between a cold and flu? Isn’t that, like, the point on every online self-help chart where you cease going down the cold path and start on the flu path? Well THANK GOD we moved to Philadelphia where they have nurses who are SO MUCH SMARTER THAN THE WORLD.
3. Ummm…but really, who CARES if it’s the flu or a cold? The symptoms we were describing were the same….sooo….???
4. Denver, really? REALLY? I mean, I just needed you to cooperate for one teeeny tiiiny second, and what do you do? You snow? SNOW? C’mon Denver! It’s not even Halloween yet! NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE when you hit 85 degrees later on in the week, but you drop a few inches and suddenly everybody assumes we just moved from Alaska or something.
5. On a high note, I will look forward to a flu-free Christmas season. Clearly, God loves Philadelphia more than Denver.
Sheesh. I’m going to develop a drinking habit out here. Hmmm….although maybe that’s a perk….