Kids make everything about
Christmas more fun.  I haven’t been this excited about Christmas
morning in a long, long time.  And, as my sister will attest, the more
excited I am, the earlier I wake up.  Christmas morning I actually laid
in bed for a while staring at Raines sleeping.  I was trying to will
him awake — despite the fact that we were up late Christmas Eve, and
Raines had barely slept that night.  The more his schedule is
disrupted, the worse he sleeps.  So he and I had quite a night.  But
now, he was out cold.  I coughed.  I cleared my throat.  I tossed
around so he jostled a little.  Nothing.  Both he and Mike were sound
asleep.  So I laid there….still a little shocked to think that only a
year ago it was just Mike and I.  “Before Raines” is becoming a distant
memory. 

Finally
the little man was up.  To be honest, I barely remember any details —
it was just a really fun morning.  Raines loved the tissue paper, which
we thought was cute until it turned into a soggy choking hazard.  He
went bananas for the little rider ladybug wheelie that we got him.  We
only got him to open a couple of presents before he melted down.  It
took me over an hour to get the poor little screamer to nap. 

What
else???  I’m sitting here a little frustrated.  This was supposed to be
an epic entry of Raines’ first Christmas, but clearly my “mommy brain”
has gotten the best of me.  Sleep deprivation is a memory killer.
……….hmmm……..so how much do the details of Christmas morning
really matter?  We had coffee, got the stockings down, tissue paper,
blah blah, blah.  Regardless of the details, I’m know I just had the
best Christmas I’ve had in a long time.  A Christmas that I’m not ready
to let go of just yet.  So I’m still playing Christmas music, and the
tree is still up.  Skip the usual details — here’s what I do remember
from our first Christmas with Raines:

I
remember that when Mike FINALLY finished his school project, we were
able to have a Christmas day in Larimer square.  Photos with Santa, hot
cocoa, picking out ornaments.  I remember feeling like a Norman
Rockwell painting. 

I
remember that Raines loved Josh Grobin’s “Joy of Man’s Desiring” and
Jewel’s “O Holy Night.”  We would dance around the dining room table,
Raines in silent rapture, me with tears streaming down my face.

I
remember that at Christmas Eve service, Raines was quiet only during
the songs.  And being in church with Raines was like being with a
rockstar. 

I
remember how serious his little face got when studying the ornaments on
the tree.  “Bird”, he’d flap his arms to tell me.  “Yes, that’s right”
I’d say.  “Bird.”

I
remember the sound of Raines’ little belly laugh and shrieks as he
figured out that he could actually chase Mike around using the ladybug
wheelie toy.  I remember the glow of pride on both of their faces.

I
remember realizing that Christmas with kids is a whole different
holiday.  And I realize that, from now on, all of my future Christmases
will somehow be about Raines.  Even when he’s out of the house, a part
of those Christmases will always be about remembering this one. 

Sorry,
Mom & Dad.  We’ll come home for Christmas next year.  Now I’m going
to go eat some more fruitcake and jam to the Jackson 5 Christmas
album.  I can barely wait for next year.